Quick answers about attachment styles
What are attachment styles?
Attachment styles describe patterns in how people experience closeness, trust, emotional needs, and connection in relationships.
Where did attachment theory come from?
Attachment theory was originally developed by psychiatrist John Bowlby and later expanded through research by psychologist Mary Ainsworth. Their work explored how early relationships with caregivers influence emotional development and adult relationship patterns.
Can attachment styles affect adult relationships?
Yes. Attachment patterns can influence communication, conflict, emotional regulation, reassurance-seeking, and fear of rejection or distance.
Can attachment styles change?
Attachment patterns are not fixed. Therapy, healthy relationships, and increased self-awareness can help people develop more secure ways of relating.
What therapy helps attachment issues?
Depending on the person, therapies such as CBT, ACT, Schema Therapy, EMDR, and emotionally focused approaches may all be helpful.
Understanding attachment styles
Attachment theory is one of the most influential psychological frameworks for understanding relationships, emotional regulation, and interpersonal patterns.
The theory was originally developed by British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby in the mid-20th century. Bowlby became interested in how early relationships between children and caregivers shape emotional development and responses to stress and connection later in life.
At the time, Bowlby proposed that humans are biologically wired to seek closeness and protection from caregivers because attachment promotes safety and survival.
He suggested that early relational experiences contribute to what he called “internal working models” — unconscious beliefs and expectations about:
- safety
- trust
- emotional closeness
- vulnerability
- relationships with others
These internal patterns can continue to influence how people experience adult relationships.
Mary Ainsworth and the development of attachment research
Attachment theory was later expanded through the work of developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth, who conducted influential observational research into infant-caregiver relationships.
Ainsworth developed the well-known “Strange Situation” procedure in the 1970s (please follow the link if you are interested in learning more about this specific procedure). In these studies, infants were briefly separated and reunited with their caregiver while researchers observed how the child responded. From this work, several attachment patterns were identified.
Secure attachment
Children with secure attachment generally felt able to seek comfort from caregivers and return to emotional balance after distress.
In adulthood, secure attachment is often associated with:
- greater comfort with closeness and independence
- more direct communication
- stronger emotional regulation
- greater tolerance for conflict or uncertainty in relationships
Anxious attachment
Children with anxious attachment often showed heightened distress around separation and difficulty settling after reunion.
In adult relationships, anxious attachment may involve:
- heightened sensitivity to rejection
- fear of abandonment
- reassurance-seeking
- overthinking relationship interactions
- anxiety around emotional distance or inconsistency
Avoidant attachment
Children with avoidant attachment often appeared emotionally self-reliant and less likely to seek comfort openly, despite signs of internal stress.
As adults, avoidant attachment patterns may involve:
- discomfort with vulnerability
- emotional withdrawal during conflict
- strong emphasis on independence
- difficulty expressing emotional needs
Disorganised attachment
Later research identified a fourth attachment pattern sometimes referred to as disorganised attachment. This pattern is often associated with conflicting responses to closeness and vulnerability and may develop in environments that were unpredictable, inconsistent, or frightening.
Attachment theory and adult relationships
In the 1980s, researchers Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver extended attachment theory into adult romantic relationships.
Their work suggested that many of the same patterns observed in childhood attachment relationships can continue to influence adult intimacy, emotional regulation, conflict, and relationship expectations.
Since then, attachment theory has become widely used in understanding:
- relationship anxiety
- fear of rejection or abandonment
- emotional withdrawal
- trust and vulnerability
- interpersonal conflict patterns
- responses to emotional closeness
Attachment theory is also now closely connected with contemporary research into trauma, emotional regulation, and psychotherapy.
Attachment patterns start as adaptive and can change!
One important aspect of attachment work is recognising that these patterns usually develop for understandable reasons. Strategies such as emotional withdrawal, hyper-independence, reassurance-seeking, or heightened sensitivity to rejection often begin as ways of adapting to earlier relational environments.
Rather than viewing attachment styles as flaws or personality defects, therapy often aims to understand how these patterns developed, how they helped in our younger years and whether they are still helpful in adult life.
One of the most important findings from modern attachment research is that attachment patterns are not permanent categories.
Current research suggests attachment exists on a continuum and can shift over time through:
- supportive relationships
- increased self-awareness
- corrective emotional experiences
- psychological therapy
Developing greater emotional security is often less about becoming a different person and more about developing new ways of responding to emotional experiences and relationships.
Therapy approaches that can help
There is no specific therapy that is the ‘attachment theory therapy’, rather attachment styles are considered to be a transdiagnostic and transtheorical concept – i.e. they can influence all kinds of mental health issues and are touched upon in many different therapy styles (in many different ways)
Different therapeutic approaches may be helpful depending on the individual and the patterns involved.
Schema Therapy
Schema Therapy is often particularly relevant for attachment-related work because it explores longstanding emotional patterns and beliefs that developed through early relational experiences.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
CBT can help identify patterns of thinking and behaviour that contribute to relationship anxiety, overthinking, reassurance-seeking, or avoidance.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT may help people develop greater psychological flexibility and respond differently to fears of rejection, conflict, or vulnerability.
EMDR Therapy
Where attachment difficulties are strongly linked to trauma or distressing past experiences, EMDR may also be considered.
There are also many other therapy options to consider, such as Internal Family Systems, Compassion-Focused Therapy and more.
At Darlinghurst Psychologists, therapy begins with a comprehensive assessment to understand what may be contributing to the current difficulties and which therapeutic approach is likely to be most helpful.
When to consider speaking with a psychologist
It may be helpful to seek support if relationship patterns are repeatedly contributing to:
- anxiety or emotional distress
- fear of rejection or abandonment
- difficulty trusting others
- conflict or withdrawal in relationships
- feeling emotionally overwhelmed or disconnected
If you are considering support, you can learn more about the psychologists at Darlinghurst Psychologists or contact us to arrange an appointment.
References
Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. New York, NY: Basic Books.
Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. New York, NY: Basic Books.
Fraley, R. C., & Shaver, P. R. (2000). Adult romantic attachment: Theoretical developments, emerging controversies, and unanswered questions. Review of General Psychology, 4(2), 132–154. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.4.2.132
Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511
Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with individuals, couples, and families. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy: A practitioner’s guide. New York, NY: Guilford Press.